I was once in a play, "Peter Pan in Neverland",it was the same story line as the original, basically just a cheaper version,(Peter Pan flew with the aid of a florescent orange extension cord), obvi a low-budget budget production. I had done previous shows with this company, and I was very excited to return to the stage with them, and just knew that I was going to be a lead maybe playing Peter, or Mr. Smee.
Was I?
No.
They cast me as "Yummy". Who is "Yummy"? That is a very good question, I am glad you asked. Yummy is the fat Lost Boy who eats cake all day, and my only line was "Mmmmm, YUMMY".
Let me just tell you, I hate the f***ing word "yummy". It grates on my nerves and makes me want to drop kick whoever says it in my presence (other words that have the same effect as "Yummy" are "Supper" and "jolly"). And what do I hate more than having to say "yummy" a total of 29 times in the course of a 90 minute musical? The fact that I was force fed twinkies the entire show in order to make my character more authentic. I HATE TWINKIES. And I know that that may be hard to believe given my curvy stature, but trust me, I can't stand them.
Even though I wanted to pull my well curled eyelashes out one by one every time I had to say 'yummy' and started getting anxiety every time someone mentioned processed cream filled pastries, I stuck with it. I had to, my mother wouldn't let me quit. She always told me that I could do whatever I wanted, but once I started, I couldn't quit, until it was over.
This is something that I am glad my parents enforced, it has taught me a tremendous amount of responsibility, as well as, the great life lesson of sucking it up. The point of this being, there are always going to be things that we don't like, or agree with that we have to do. And I know that this sounds like such a preachy entry, and it is, kind of, but when I get down and out about a situation I like to remember this calorie infested play. It reminds me that if I had quit, I would have missed out on one of the greatest happinesses I have ever know, my first love, one of my best friends, and a constant supporter of mine who always fills my heart with sparkles, Brandi. Even though she broke up with me over email in the 6th grade, we still have a very amazing relationship.
Opossums, I am going to wrap this, but I am just trying to say that I know that our lives suck sometimes. We break up relationships (or, God forbid someone breaks up with us), we doubt ourselves as parents, we goof up at work, we drop our phones in the toilet, or we are force fed Hostess snacks. Whatever your "F*** My Life" moment is, something good is going to come from it, you will always get 'a Brandi' in the end.
I love y'all.
Will'yumm'.
Sparkles!
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Garments from Hell
I witnessed a 58 year old woman wearing a tube top today I almost hopped out of my car and slapped her to the ground to rip it off of her wrinkly body.
I hate tube tops. HATE THEM. I don't care if you are a 5'10 slender, flat stomached woman, or if you are a 300+ mess of a woman , no one should wear a tube top.
They are trashy.
Do you wish to rebuke this statement? Do men come up to you when you are wearing your tube top? Yes? Where are you when this happens? In your local biker bar? Oh, OK..and are these the type of men you want to marry? [If you are in a biker bar and wearing a tube top,I realize, yes, this is the man you will probably marry, but, otherwise,no]. And if on the off chance you do marry them, they are probably going to cheat on you with the first bedazzled tube top to cross his path after the honeymoon.
Why?
Because men have it programmed in their heads that "tube top" is code for skank, which, as a good rule of thumb, it is. And you may not be a skank at all. For all I know you are a Harvard law student who is working towards a high powered legal career, and the only reason you wore that tacky piece of shit is because that blonde girl, Cindy, from Malibu who you somehow ended up being roomies with junior year convinced you that that would be the perfect choice to wear for a girls night out.
Regardless, a man is going to take you as a skank and all that Harvard crap isn't going to matter, we all know what that tube top translates to in a straight mans head...sex. and skank.
If you feel like I am being overly dramatic about this topic, you may be right, but I am very ANTI. So anti in fact that I had to let my own mother know what I was thinking when she whipped out a little white number on me one fine spring day. We were sitting in her closet (yes, I was sitting in a closet..don't even try..it's too easy) and she was showing me her outfits she was packing for an all girls beach trip. Well you know, there were sundresses, and there were sandals, some cute jewelry...and then, tucked into her little duffel bag was a garment that will haunt my dreams forever. IT was this white tube top that LACED UP THE SIDES, like shoe string status! I completely blacked out I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later when I awoke from my fashion coma, I asked her which corner of what bargain bin she salvaged it from, AND ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?! She borrowed it from my Aunt Sloane. And then went on to defend it! Saying that Sloane got all these guys looking and coming up to her when she was wearing it, at the FLORABAMA when they went on their last beach trip.
To give those of you an idea of how classy the Florabama is, they are hosting their 25th Annual Mullet Toss this year. Nice.
Now, I will say this, my mother and my Aunt Sloane, they are very well dressed women, and out of anyplace to wear a tube top, a beach bar is, I guess, the best choice. And, hell, if they are wearing tube tops somewhere that is proudly hosting a "Mullet Toss", they might be the more dressed up in the crowd.
My point being, even my mother and beloved aunt who I think are amazing, beautiful, smart, and independent women, are not safe from my war on tube tops.
Moral of Post: Tube Tops are Horrid. I don't care if they are full coverage, midriff, bedazzled, glittered, Ed Hardy,gold plated, rhinestone incrested, hell I wouldn't care if Jesus came back wearing one, I would tell him the same damn thing. TUBE TOPS ARE WRETCHED!!!
I hope that anyone reading this soundly burns their TT's, and every time you see someone wearing one, please roundhouse kick them in the face.
Thank you for your support.
William
xox
I hate tube tops. HATE THEM. I don't care if you are a 5'10 slender, flat stomached woman, or if you are a 300+ mess of a woman , no one should wear a tube top.
They are trashy.
Do you wish to rebuke this statement? Do men come up to you when you are wearing your tube top? Yes? Where are you when this happens? In your local biker bar? Oh, OK..and are these the type of men you want to marry? [If you are in a biker bar and wearing a tube top,I realize, yes, this is the man you will probably marry, but, otherwise,no]. And if on the off chance you do marry them, they are probably going to cheat on you with the first bedazzled tube top to cross his path after the honeymoon.
Why?
Because men have it programmed in their heads that "tube top" is code for skank, which, as a good rule of thumb, it is. And you may not be a skank at all. For all I know you are a Harvard law student who is working towards a high powered legal career, and the only reason you wore that tacky piece of shit is because that blonde girl, Cindy, from Malibu who you somehow ended up being roomies with junior year convinced you that that would be the perfect choice to wear for a girls night out.
Regardless, a man is going to take you as a skank and all that Harvard crap isn't going to matter, we all know what that tube top translates to in a straight mans head...sex. and skank.
If you feel like I am being overly dramatic about this topic, you may be right, but I am very ANTI. So anti in fact that I had to let my own mother know what I was thinking when she whipped out a little white number on me one fine spring day. We were sitting in her closet (yes, I was sitting in a closet..don't even try..it's too easy) and she was showing me her outfits she was packing for an all girls beach trip. Well you know, there were sundresses, and there were sandals, some cute jewelry...and then, tucked into her little duffel bag was a garment that will haunt my dreams forever. IT was this white tube top that LACED UP THE SIDES, like shoe string status! I completely blacked out I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later when I awoke from my fashion coma, I asked her which corner of what bargain bin she salvaged it from, AND ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?! She borrowed it from my Aunt Sloane. And then went on to defend it! Saying that Sloane got all these guys looking and coming up to her when she was wearing it, at the FLORABAMA when they went on their last beach trip.
To give those of you an idea of how classy the Florabama is, they are hosting their 25th Annual Mullet Toss this year. Nice.
Now, I will say this, my mother and my Aunt Sloane, they are very well dressed women, and out of anyplace to wear a tube top, a beach bar is, I guess, the best choice. And, hell, if they are wearing tube tops somewhere that is proudly hosting a "Mullet Toss", they might be the more dressed up in the crowd.
My point being, even my mother and beloved aunt who I think are amazing, beautiful, smart, and independent women, are not safe from my war on tube tops.
Moral of Post: Tube Tops are Horrid. I don't care if they are full coverage, midriff, bedazzled, glittered, Ed Hardy,gold plated, rhinestone incrested, hell I wouldn't care if Jesus came back wearing one, I would tell him the same damn thing. TUBE TOPS ARE WRETCHED!!!
I hope that anyone reading this soundly burns their TT's, and every time you see someone wearing one, please roundhouse kick them in the face.
Thank you for your support.
William
xox
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)