Hula Hoops, Snaggle Teeth, and Anti-Valentine's Day

I know, I know. I am a horrible person, and I haven't been blogging.

I hate to use this excuse, but I have been really tied up with work and whatnot and every night I get home I am completely drained, and therefore, I am sorry that I have been delinquent in my entries. You will be pleased to know however, that I do have some exciting things to talk about.

1. I have discovered that my newest talent (that I should probably enter into a world record book) is Hula Hooping in Platforms. Yes. I know, it sounds like I am making this up, but fear not my friends, anything that I state that I can do in high heels, is not a lie, and I am willing to be tested on the validity at anytime. I was in my backyard with my roomie Michael and his girlfriend Angela (we die for her) and we were trying on all my shoes (me and Ang, not Mike), and as I put on my platform leopard print peeps (you may remember these from the Vegas Cop story), I spotted a hula hoop. I trotted on over to the multi-colored ring of goodness, and you can take it from there. I am not perfect yet, but I am pretty damn good, I haven't hula hooped since William Turdley's 6th grade pool party.

2. I had lunch with Sarah on Saturday. We went Valentine's day shopping at the Beverly Center and she insisted on buying me a thong, which, to her surprise, and for your clarification, I did NOT already own. Whilst we were browsing for the perfect butt floss, I got a text message from a number that I didn't have saved in my phone. It read: "Walk away like a dog with your tail between you legs.."

Ok..

If you are ever going to send a text message that is trying to be "aggressive" please don't use sayings that are ridiculously lame. My grandmother Sherrell wouldn't even fathom to put something this moronic in a text, even if she knew how to send one.

So just as I am leaving Bath & Body Works, still high from sniffing their moderately priced body spray, I run right into my old neighbor LaBrina. LaBrina, I knew from my old apartment complex, she used to get drunk and have crazy hot sex in the apartment above mine, and then come down and drink all of my tequila, from the bottle, as if it were water. While she is a little crazy, I still like her, she hasn't really ever done anything to me. Well, it took me a minute to realize it is her (fumes from the Cucumber Melon Body Spray were clouding my head), and then I saw the company she was with, and right then and there, I KNEW who sent the "anonymous" text message.

She was there with a boy who had the ugliest haircut I had ever seen in my entire life, raggy unflattering clothing from Hollister (remind me to tell you my hatred of Hollister later), and the most heinous man purse (it is the size of a crayon box, with a spaghetti strap type string), he was, sadly enough, my ex-roomate Grayson. There is so much drama with Grayson, it is way to long of a story for this entry, but just know that he is a user, and won't succeed in life.

So Grayson apparently saw me in Forever 21 as I was trying on a rainbow hoodie (Sarah's suggestion), and thought that when I saw him I was "running away like a dog with my tail between my legs". This made me so mad that he thinks that I would run away from him. He looks like Alfalfa with that weird ass cowlick, and snaggle-teeth, the only thing I am afraid of is catching his stupidity, he oozes with it. I had to give him the HEAVE HO when I moved to my new house. He is a leech. We all have one, and we all need to get rid of them.

Ugh..

3. The third topic is that Valentine's Day is the most pointless day of the year. I realize that only single people usually say this, but I have to express my hatred. If there is a Scrooge for Valentine's Day, it is William. Why would anyone in their right mind spend $94.00 on roses that look like they have been sitting in the same delivery van since last Valentine's Day, and are overrun with baby's breath (PS adding baby's breath to an arrangement is the equivalent of "bedazzling" in floral shops, it is tacky used to cover up the fact that the quality is poor to start with)? Overpriced candy, Valentine's cards, expensive dinners, it is all material. And I realize that we are Material Girls and we live in a material world, but velvet stuffed bears and chocolates in red cellophane are not the materials I want to be around anyway, give me diamonds.

Enough with the ranting already. My house warming is this weekend. I hope to the LAWD it is fun!

Loving all of you!
OXOX
William

PS. And while I am very grateful that you are all reading, please please leave comments, suggestions, etc., so I can have some feedback! Our new website is coming soon, but tell your friends to become followers now anyways! Love you Opossums!!