Parental Control

I hate to say this, but I am kind of an advocate of scaring the shit out of children. I think that children should be completely mortified of what their parents or guardians may do to them if they disobey orders.

These twin 7 year old boys were at the Post Office with a woman, who, I assume was their mother, given she had bags under her eyes, a lone hot roller stuck in the back of her head, and a chipped manicure. This girl hadn't slept in weeks it looked like. So I was standing behind them holding my package (ha) and waiting for the sea of people to move forward when one of the kids threw a pen at me. I kind of did that half-glare half-smile look to him and handed the pen to the mother who apologized.

Whatever.

So as we proceed forward one of the kids starts talking about how he has to use the bathroom and had to go right then. He was screaming, like squealing-screaming that he had to go at that very instant. He was pulling at his mother's already ill-fitting peasant blouse, and almost ripped it off. At the same time the other boy, who had thrown the pen, was now tearing up shipping slips and throwing them on the floor. The mother was horrified.

Now I know that I have never raised a child, nor am I a very patient person, but PARENTS LISTEN TO ME for I am about to tell you something that everyone in wants to say to you when you are that woman in the post office.

SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR KID. Please, do not make it a habitual occurrence, do not abuse them, but knocking them one time will keep them from doing it again. Also, if they are whiny, fussy, crying, etc., please don't hit them. BUT if they are raising hell in public, by all means, go on ahead. If a hippie cloth of the earth clad person tries to call you out for abuse and calls the cops, I will personally come save you.

If you don't agree with the open hand slap, fear not, because there is another tactic that you can use. If you are dealing with a small child, threatening them with a wooden spoon is one of the best scare tactics. My stepmother (Wendy) used to keep one in her car, in her purse, everywhere my sister went, the wooden spoon monster was lurking somewhere close by. If you can get the wooden spoons with the holes in it, they work best, according to Wendy.

The belt, the switch, the wooden spoon, all of these will spark a fear in your child, if they aren't afraid, you aren't doing it hard enough.

Maybe I am the only person this bothers, but we have all seen that poor woman once in our lives. The one with her kids running all over her, controlling her. HELLO LADY! You are in charge, take that Target brand flip flop off and whack your child with it. Show them what's up. Ugh.

I hate when parents don't take control of their kids, I guess they deserve what they get.

Shitheads.