I think that I am in the twilight zone. That is the only explanation that I can think of, because no one, not even Helen Keller herself, would commit the heinous crimes against footwear that I have recently witnessed.
I know as faithful subscribers that none of you have, or would ever think of doing what I am about to preach against, but I just have to tell you this, I will never take you seriously if you do any of the listed below, I will write you off for having fewer brain cells than I gave you credit for, and cut ties with you.
1. The Man Wearing TeVa's and Crew Socks.
2. The Woman Wearing Open Toed KITTEN Heels With Footie Nylons.
3. Clogs.
The man wearing TeVa's and Crew Socks is something that is not uncommon to see, I am sure that we have all have witnessed this distressing fiasco. He falls under the category of "Victim" as soon as the hippie sales clerk at the local outdoors store convinces him that they are still "in", when in reality TeVa's went out of style with the mid-90's, how they are still in production is beyond me.
Now, before my tree hugging followers get on their soapbox about how great TeVa's are, I will be the first to say, yes, some of their stuff has progressed to be somewhat stylish, but I am talking the Velcro strap sandals that everyone wore when they were jamming "The Cranberries" and playing hacky sack. Frat boys and girls who don't shave their legs can usually be found sporting the TeVa "fashion", and it is these groups alone that can be written off as the exception to the Anti-TeVa Rule. With this said, the only way to make TeVa's look worse is by matching them with SOCKS(any kind of socks, but my experiences lead me to believe that people love wearing crew socks the most with TeVa's)! I was in line at a deli when the 33+ man came in and was wearing a fitted muscle T-shirt and a baseball hat, and I was like, "Ohh hey!!" (Because he was cute in like a grungy way), then I saw that he had matched his TeVa sandals with his crew socks, and he had his sweatpants TUCKED IN. GAG. The cute grungy effect disappeared real quick, like an erection in a snowstorm. Birkenstocks and Crocs are also in the realm of the NO SOCK ZONE.
Today I saw a woman, who committed a double whammy. The first of these was the wretched Kitten heel. For those of you unfamiliar with this term it is referring to the teeny tiny heels that are like .32 inches, that ultimately serve no purpose, and make you look like an idiot for even trying, Michelle Obama is the Queen Offender in the kitten heel pandemic; if you are tempted to wear these because you are "too tall" or "can't walk in high heels", rise above the urge and sacrifice the 1/8 of an inch and go with a pair of sassy flats, you will look far more put together. On top of this obvious fashion NO NO, she committed the cardinal sin of footwear; she wore the nylon footies that you use to try them on in the store!!! WHAT THE HELL?! NO MA'AM! Take those off right now! I have used the footies to get a newer shoe to go one easier, but I
A. would never wear them with open toe shoes and shorts
B. cut off the tops of them so you can't tell they are in the shoe.
This whole scenario, hopefully, speaks for itself, I don't feel like anyone is going to say "What is wrong with this?" because in my book this is like seeing someone get murdered. If you witness a murder, you contact the police. If you witness footies with open-toe kitten heels, you call the fashion police and report a serial killer.
Then there are clogs. Someone said clogs are becoming fashionable again. I just can't stomach this, I hate clogs. A "girl I know" owns, and wears, her studded orange clogs in public. It makes me sick. If we aren't going to pick tulips or participate in Riverdance, let's leave the clogs at home my little chickens.
In conclusion, I think since sexual predators have to notify everyone within 400 yards of their home that they have a record, the following people should also have to send out a warning to their neighbors as well:
A. Anyone who owns kitten heels, TeVa's, or clogs.
B. Anyone with access to nylon footies that may own any of the before mentioned in section "A".
C. Michelle Obama (seeing as how she is a repeat offender of both crimes)
What are some other footwear faux pas' that you can't stand?
Loving. Meaning.
xoxox
William
1. I LOVE the analogy "like an erection in a snowstorm." I literally laughed for a good 5 minutes.
ReplyDelete2. My dad wears socks with sandals. It kills me. I know he's going for the "I'm retired & pushing senior citizen status, so therefore, I don't care how I look."
3. I know that in my past I owned Crocs (in my defense, they were bought to be worn after volleyball practice/games/tournaments) but I absolutely cannot stand that they keep coming up with new styles. The clogs were the worst..but now they're trying to pass crocs off as acceptable work wear with heels?
dress socks with anything other than dress shoes. after church my dad will come home and put his disgusting tennis shoes on with his dress socks! it's horrible.
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